It’s been awhile since I’ve posted an entry.  We were sick for a few weeks in
November.  It seems like this is  going to be the month to be sick for us. 
Last year, we missed out on going to Thanksgiving dinner with our family
because we got sick just before Thanksgiving.


For many couples, an illness can cause a strain in  their relationship.  The strain can
be relieved by keeping a positive attitude.  Find something to look forward to even
if it’s just getting better.


Being sick at the same makes it difficult to be  positive.  Talk about how you’re
feeling.  It will help to create an  attitude of teamwork.  You might 
begin to feel that you can get through this together.   It could even make your marriage stronger.


Last year, we had some really good friends who brought us plates
loaded with Thanksgiving goodies. 
This year, we got well enough to go eat at a dinner party. 
But most importantly we spent the holidays together.

I woke up this morning to rain in San Diego.  I had to run outside to see if I left a window on the car open.  Rain is so rare in San Diego that it’s easy to leave a car window open thinking it will be alright.  At least we didn’t have snow like some parts of the country this past week.

According to weather reports, in a day or so, San Diego will be back to its usual seventy degree weather.  That’s how it usually goes here.  The rest of the country can be in the deep freeze and we’re staying comfortable.

With year round warm weather, our beaches are open all year as well.  I still remember relaxing on the beach last January.  We’ll probably be out there again this year.

If you’re thinking that you have to wait to June for the perfect beach wedding, think again.  Our weather is perfect all year.  You can get married on New Year’s Eve or even Valentine’s Day on any one of San Diego’s beautiful beaches.  Once you’re here, you won’t even remember the snow back home.

Now that the day is half over, the sun is starting to poke through.  With the rain over, I can put my rain away for a couple of more months.  And my car window was fortunately up this morning.

You’re ready to get married.  You have to go down to the San Diego County Clerk’s office to get your license.  You think your budget doesn’t allow for much more than a civil ceremony at the clerk’s office.  Later on you discover that for just a little more, San Diego Wedding Bells could have conducted your ceremony on any of San Diego’s beautiful beaches.

A simple beach wedding is affordable and meaningful.  Imagine the sun setting over Point Loma as you exchange vows on Coronado Beach.  You’ll have pictures you remember forever.

San Diego Wedding Bells can help you find the perfect location.  We’ll send you samples of vows or you can write your own.  We’ll meet you on location, officiate you vows and file your marriage license.

Just because you’re on a budget doesn’t mean you have to get married at the county Clerk’s office.  Give us a call at 619-816-7610 and we’ll tell you how to have an affordable, meaningful beach wedding that you’ll remember forever.

You’ve met someone who has an apartment with two bathrooms, something that can help make a marriage successful but is this alone a good enough reason to get married?  Below are a couple points to consider.

You no longer have to impress each other. 

Can you kiss someone first thing in the morning BEFORE you’ve brushed your teeth.  This is that time of the day before you’ve had a chance to put on your public persona.  Kissing someone right after you wake shows you can drop your defenses and let them see you as you are.  You no longer have to distract them with your car or job.  You are who you are and that’s all your spouse wants.

You have learned how to trust. 

Earning trust is a discipline that sometimes takes more effort.  If you say you’re going to save up for a vacation, you don’t get halfway to your goal and then buy a flat screen TV.  Once someone knows you’re going to do what you say, trust will begin to build and it’s worth the effort.  Soon it doesn’t even feel like an effort.

These are a couple of points to consider in deciding if you’re ready to get married.  More will follow in future articles.

Spending money can become an emotional rather than a strategic issue.  The following issues can help you start the discussion.

MERGING THE FINANCES

Most couples (64%) put all their money in joint accounts while some keep separate accounts and others had both.  When first becoming a committed couple there may still need to be a certain level of autonomy over money as well as learning how to handle finances as a couple.  Later, when the kids and house payments come, it might be just easier to keep a joint account.

KEEPING SPENDING IN CHECK

Men and women tend to spend about the same amount of money but on different things.  Studies show that women tend to take care of the family’s daily expenses: the groceries, bills, cloths while men spend on large purchases like plasma TVs, cars or computers.  Because the spending is so different, the perception of who is the big spender is different.

Talking about how you’re going to merge your finances can lead to talking about what you want to spend your money on. 

By dealing with your money strategically instead of emotionally, you can avoid one of the biggest difficulties many marriages face.

Money is the number one reason why couples argue.  Being willing to sit down and talk about how you’re going to handle money as a couple is a good indication that you’re ready.  In this article I will talk about some issues you can bring up together.

Credit cards can be a convenience when you want to purchase a big ticket item but be aware of the interest charges you will end up paying.  I’ve heard some people think that interest is charged on the payment not on the balance.  Wrong!  You may think it’s safe to run up a $3,000 balance and only make $100 payments because 12% of $100 divided by twelve months is only $1 per month of interest.  No, it’s actually $30 for the $3,000 balance each month.

Have you ever heard of someone who kept writing checks only to be surprised when their account was overdrawn?  “How can that be?” they ask in astonishment.  “I still have checks.”  Keeping track of what you deposited and what you wrote checks for will help determine how much money is available regardless of how many blank checks you still have.

These are two easy problems to talk about.  In later articles I’ll talk about some of the more difficult issues such as whether or not you want to keep separate checking accounts.

     Someone once said that you shouldn’t get married until you can afford an apartment with two bathrooms.  While this may be good advice it doesn’t really address when is the best time to get married.  Some say at a certain age while others would say at a certain financial goal.

     Let’s take a quick look at what age people have historical gotten married in the United States.

 

           Males    Females

1890   26.1    22.0

1900   25.9     21.9

1910    25.1     21.6

1920    24.6     21.2

1930    24.3     21.3

1940    24.3     21.5

1950    22.8     20.3

1960    22.8     20.3

1970    23.2     20.8

1980    24.7     22.0

1990    26.1     23.9

2000    26.8     25.1

2010    28.2     26.1

     Ages dropped from 1890 until bottoming in the 1950s and 1960s and then rising again to 28.2 and 26.1 for males and females respectively.  Also, the ages have been getting closer.  In 1890, the male was 119% of the female age.  In 2010, the male is only 108% of the female age. 

     Another consideration often put forward is the financial stability of the couple.  Unless you’re the adopted children of Bill Gates or Warren Buffet, in today’s economically unstable times, financial stability is something that can easily evaporate.

     And now we’re back to the beginning: when is the right time to get married?  Maybe it’s when you only have one bathroom but it doesn’t matter because you have each other.

I’ll have more thoughts on this subject but I’d also like to hear some of your ideas.  Please comment below.

     Last time I talked about dogs and dogs, and cats and cats.  This time, the subject will be merging households with dogs and cats coming together for the first time.  We recently went through this experience when we adopted a kitten, Jesse, into our household which already had a dog, Millie.

     By nature, dogs are hunters.  If a small animal runs from them, they may chase.  When introducing a dog to a new cat, keep the dog on leash.  It might be a good idea to have someone hold the cat or there may be batted and scratched nose.

     Your cat will usually hiss at first.  When we first introduced our dog, Millie, to the new kitten, Jesse, there was some hissing.  Millie was interested in this new creature and Jesse made sure the giant dog kept its distance.  Within a couple of weeks, they were sleeping on the same bed. 

     Some pets will never be best friends and curl up with each other.  Don't push pets to be anything other than tolerant of each other.

     Jesse and Millie are making progress.  As the picture shows, they are starting to share the bed. We wonder if they will someday curl up with each other.

We recently adopted a four month old kitten Jesse. It's easier than it sounds.  We already have a greyhound at home.  Fortunately, our greyhound, Millie, is cat-safe and proved it when visiting some friends.  She ignored their three cats.

Introducing the kitten to our home is similar to newly married couples combining households that both include pets.  This can be stressful time.  Because the pets can pick up on human fears, remain calm and in control while introducing new pets to each other.

Introducing two new dogs to each other is best done on neutral territory such as a dog park.  They can run around and enjoy each other's company before having to live together.

With cats, try keeping them in separate rooms at first.  They can sniff each other's paws under the door.  When they finally get to meet each other, keep the meetings short and supervised.  Even if your cats don't become life long friends, they generally figure out how to peacefully co-exist.

Introducing cats to dogs is a little trickier.  I'll cover that in a future post.

So far, Jesse and Millie are getting along well.  Like most greyhounds, Millie naps all day.  Like most kittens, Jesse runs around like a tornado.