You’ve met someone who has an apartment with two bathrooms, something that can help make a marriage successful but is this alone a good enough reason to get married?  Below are a couple points to consider.

You no longer have to impress each other. 

Can you kiss someone first thing in the morning BEFORE you’ve brushed your teeth.  This is that time of the day before you’ve had a chance to put on your public persona.  Kissing someone right after you wake shows you can drop your defenses and let them see you as you are.  You no longer have to distract them with your car or job.  You are who you are and that’s all your spouse wants.

You have learned how to trust. 

Earning trust is a discipline that sometimes takes more effort.  If you say you’re going to save up for a vacation, you don’t get halfway to your goal and then buy a flat screen TV.  Once someone knows you’re going to do what you say, trust will begin to build and it’s worth the effort.  Soon it doesn’t even feel like an effort.

These are a couple of points to consider in deciding if you’re ready to get married.  More will follow in future articles.

Spending money can become an emotional rather than a strategic issue.  The following issues can help you start the discussion.

MERGING THE FINANCES

Most couples (64%) put all their money in joint accounts while some keep separate accounts and others had both.  When first becoming a committed couple there may still need to be a certain level of autonomy over money as well as learning how to handle finances as a couple.  Later, when the kids and house payments come, it might be just easier to keep a joint account.

KEEPING SPENDING IN CHECK

Men and women tend to spend about the same amount of money but on different things.  Studies show that women tend to take care of the family’s daily expenses: the groceries, bills, cloths while men spend on large purchases like plasma TVs, cars or computers.  Because the spending is so different, the perception of who is the big spender is different.

Talking about how you’re going to merge your finances can lead to talking about what you want to spend your money on. 

By dealing with your money strategically instead of emotionally, you can avoid one of the biggest difficulties many marriages face.

Money is the number one reason why couples argue.  Being willing to sit down and talk about how you’re going to handle money as a couple is a good indication that you’re ready.  In this article I will talk about some issues you can bring up together.

Credit cards can be a convenience when you want to purchase a big ticket item but be aware of the interest charges you will end up paying.  I’ve heard some people think that interest is charged on the payment not on the balance.  Wrong!  You may think it’s safe to run up a $3,000 balance and only make $100 payments because 12% of $100 divided by twelve months is only $1 per month of interest.  No, it’s actually $30 for the $3,000 balance each month.

Have you ever heard of someone who kept writing checks only to be surprised when their account was overdrawn?  “How can that be?” they ask in astonishment.  “I still have checks.”  Keeping track of what you deposited and what you wrote checks for will help determine how much money is available regardless of how many blank checks you still have.

These are two easy problems to talk about.  In later articles I’ll talk about some of the more difficult issues such as whether or not you want to keep separate checking accounts.

     Someone once said that you shouldn’t get married until you can afford an apartment with two bathrooms.  While this may be good advice it doesn’t really address when is the best time to get married.  Some say at a certain age while others would say at a certain financial goal.

     Let’s take a quick look at what age people have historical gotten married in the United States.

 

           Males    Females

1890   26.1    22.0

1900   25.9     21.9

1910    25.1     21.6

1920    24.6     21.2

1930    24.3     21.3

1940    24.3     21.5

1950    22.8     20.3

1960    22.8     20.3

1970    23.2     20.8

1980    24.7     22.0

1990    26.1     23.9

2000    26.8     25.1

2010    28.2     26.1

     Ages dropped from 1890 until bottoming in the 1950s and 1960s and then rising again to 28.2 and 26.1 for males and females respectively.  Also, the ages have been getting closer.  In 1890, the male was 119% of the female age.  In 2010, the male is only 108% of the female age. 

     Another consideration often put forward is the financial stability of the couple.  Unless you’re the adopted children of Bill Gates or Warren Buffet, in today’s economically unstable times, financial stability is something that can easily evaporate.

     And now we’re back to the beginning: when is the right time to get married?  Maybe it’s when you only have one bathroom but it doesn’t matter because you have each other.

I’ll have more thoughts on this subject but I’d also like to hear some of your ideas.  Please comment below.